As we teach our children to be the type of friend they would like to have, our kids are simultaneously learning about; boundaries, consistency, respect, honour and understanding their own value! We want them to be fully aware of how precious they are, not because we expect them to strive for our affection but that they simply belong and are deeply loved.
Their ‘deeds’ will not deem them less or more. However, understanding that the consequences of their actions pave the path forward is paramount. It is our duty as parents to cultivate in each child a sense of unconditional self-worth. This must not be confused with external factors such as achievements or success as it is a warped mindset; often leading to depression, insecurity, and feelings of unworthiness. Accepting and believing that they are ‘good enough’ is a deliberate choice (only they) can make for themselves. When you don’t value yourself, you have not yet learnt how to value others.
From the minute we realise our value is not based on someone else’s perception we set ourselves free from inevitable disappointments and a performance driven life.
It is shattering when an individual once close, becomes unrecognisable. In the way they treat you or are destructive in the words they choose to speak. How do you process this information so that it makes sense and how much time needs to pass before it stops hurting?
In the afternoons after fetching my children from school, I will often ask them; Have you been kind to someone today – this is a simple reminder to be conscious of those in their sphere. I think, by being more aware, the answer becomes more apparent, when someone hurts you; forgive them. This does not make the sadness less, but it keeps your heart from hardening. Reminding us of our fragility. I would like to go as far as saying that by treating someone else with disrespect and malice directly reflects and reverberates one’s own inner tornado of turmoil. An unhappiness that is now spilling out uncontrollably hurting innocent bystanders nearest to them. Some people have a built-in arsenal that comes into play as a protective mechanism when they feel threatened, like ‘Gaslighting.’
“Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by not only villainising them but also distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.”
When you don’t value yourself, you have not yet learnt how to value others.
An approximation of honesty won’t make the cut. However, being brutally honest with yourself and those around you, is the only way out! Out of unhealthy thought patters, out of your own triggered behaviour and finally out of a toxic environment. We have all been in some or other damaging relationship irrespective of its form. Bending ourselves too far to conform or adjust often leads to our breaking point.
Have you asked yourself the following question; How much travesty are you prepared to endure before declaring, “enough is enough?” Ignoring someone’s limits is like violently pushing them past their threshold of tolerance and off a cliff. There is no coming back from that! Your trust has been obliterated. Exposing integrity gives you a glimpse into this individuals heart! Should you now by option remain in an alliance of discord a process of reverse engineering begins.
You are committing high treason on your soul. It is time to rise-up!
The power of forgiveness is incredibly liberating. Like a force of dynamite, it implodes the eclipse of darkness that once drenched over with sadness and sorrow. It brings a refreshing release! Like an inner strength, you can now arise, stand on your feet, lift your head, and simply move onward. Forgiveness does not mean trust it says you are no longer holding onto ‘what happened’ but rather asking ‘what is next?’ By letting go we can once more stand in the sunshine. No more shadows. ARISE!
We learn that peace is a feeling that keeps us aligned. It takes conscious effort to maintain an inner balance of wellbeing. When an uneasiness begins to stir and strife surfaces. It is time to take notice. There has been an obvious break-down and a breach in some or other form, miscommunication is at most times the culprit. When you know without a doubt, something is wrong. Listen to your self-worth that has slowly developed within like a costly pearl, that is now speaking up saying, “this does not feel right.” A voice from the heart that quietly reasons. Whispers. Warns.
“Your peace is a watcher of what is to come” Zig le Roux
Photo by Jackson David
