by | May 13, 2020

Searching has become our new norm. Google tells me that (Living off – grid refers to earnestly seeking alternative options for an energy source). When I read this word, all I HEAR is seclusion. Truthfully, this is what I have been experiencing in our time of lockdown. Feeling, isolated, alone and powerless. Isn’t it funny how, when the world shuts down the noise in our heads becomes louder… and maybe – for some, even clearer? Suddenly the highways in our mind has come to a near standstill, our once racing thoughts have now slowed down to a pace unknown to mankind in this century. For many, like myself, we may have filled up our pre COVID-19 days with what I call white noise. Everything else, except for what really matters, or recharges our souls. Going into lockdown, I took the same coping mechanism mentality with me. Only to realise that it was driving me to new kind of crazy…

On a cold and gloomy May morning I found myself standing on the balcony staring into oblivion. My eyes moved past the lines on the horizon, over the curvy mountain hills – straight into the blue barrel of absolute vastness. My soul, worn down and restless, I knew, like a ball of thread, ‘I was becoming undone!’ Don’t get me wrong, I am an enthusiast for positive productivity, but to be honest I am struggling to re-programme my cognitive thinking. As much as I attempt to clench my conscious efforts to stay engaged I find that my thoughts ever so often begin to dwindle in the darkness. Staying a bit longer each time. Raw emotions, like puddles of tears on the floor, begin to gravitate homeward.

Time has lapsed and finally, I am able to nod inwardly. I have just realised that I am at the fourth stage of Kubler Ross’s grief timeline, the fifth is acceptance. In so many ways, we are learning to live with loss. During COVID-19 there are those who have had to begin the process of living without their loved ones, some have lost their income, property, others their sanity. I have found new perspective! While I have mourned for those who have lost loved ones, their homes, life savings and even their pride. I KNOW, there is ONE source of love that can lift us higher than any feeling of depression, state of anxiety or heart ache – His name is Jesus Christ. We read about survival kits for living in the wild and off-grid antics, but none of them have the energy source or power that is able to save us. While our minds are desperately trying to systematically process what is happening around us, God is already in the arena fighting our battles.

One thing I know for sure, is that Google does not have all the answers. Once we have accepted that God loves us, unequivocally, our days of searching is done and as they say – the rest is history!

Photo by Ujjwal chouhan on Unsplash

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