Both my parents worked for the South African Police Force. As you can imagine, I had an interesting ‘militaristic’ childhood to say the least. My siblings and I developed a surreal amount of compassion for humanity. We were made aware of the plight and pain of others rather early on in life. Like clandestine samurai warriors, being forged for our future, we had to first spend time in the fire.
“Hello, it’s just me.”
Like a rolled-out door mat, this had become my slogan. You see, as a child, I came to understand the notion of being invisible. A systematic solution to staying under the radar had slowly been built into my DNA by our parents. Looking back, it’s difficult not to notice the cultural catastrophe the ‘institute’ has set into motion, simmering for centuries. Sparking an identity crisis of pandemic proportions.
Individuals employed by the South African Police Service have bravely and selflessly given all of themselves. Living dangerously on the frontline because they believe in serving their country and community. An attested oath ‘servamus et servami’ to serve and protect. However, there is a darker side that is seldom ever spoken about. A compartment that harbors soiled secrets, suicide, and endless atrocities inwards. Against its own!
(A police officer is exposed to inexplicable volumes of violence. Sadly many, many policemen and women go home traumatized, their response to what they have seen and experienced spills over onto their children. Cops coping mechanisms differ. Some roar into fight-or-flight mode, others turn to addiction and then you get the percentage who never tell a soul of the heinous crimes they have seen. They don’t seek the counseling offered because they are told to stay silent. Bullied into invisibility.)
A time to live.
Apostle Battery in (Cape Town), an old WW2 army base had been left vacant and without function, then became home for a period to: Christian Police Association South Africa under the guidance of Rev. Why Duvenhage – (South African Police Chaplain.) Later JAM (Jabulani Africa Ministries was born.) This incredible NPO was founded by Why’s second son, Gerhard.
Several years ago, I was invited to join a team of leaders in navigating a weekend with youth on the army base. I will never forget, most of the kids in that ‘specific’ group had parents in the S.A.P.S. When I looked at them, I met my younger, broken self.
Secondary trauma imposed on children of frontline workers is largely undocumented. The well-being of children from S.A.P.S homes specifically; is often overlooked or shrugged off. The impact of trauma on children’s physical, cognitive and emotional development can significantly affect their mental health right into adulthood. Making post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) even more severe when undiagnosed, thus untreated. I am all too familiar with this scenario, having undergone counseling myself to understand what my ‘mind and body’ could not process all those years ago.
One by one I heard pieces of these children’s shattered life stories. Many believing a lie, ‘that they were not good enough, that they were invisible and unloved. God had a clear message for them; “I see you and you are mine.” That weekend changed my life. I saw with my own eyes how courage kindles courage. It was time to start living again. To crawl out from beneath the blankety shadows and step into the sun.
Each one of them, in their own way ‘felt like a mis-fit.’ Some using a learnt behavior of silence as a barrier to now keep their parents out. As a society it is our responsibility to help navigate and protect hurting individuals through safe passage, to give them guidance. Effective leadership is character based. Trust is earned by being transparent and honest.
I am passionate about the role communication plays in relationships. Encouraging and engaging with children and young adults, especially those coming out of broken homes. By inspiring them with my own story I can remind them that, hope lives!
There is a living God, who can restore, bring healing and forgiveness to broken families. Our identity and purpose is in Him alone. May we allow Jesus Christ to love us back to life again!
