Have you ever felt so ‘out of whack’ that you wished someone could just ‘smack’ a beat back into your groove? Like a train that has completely derailed and can’t find its way back on track. I never realized how robotic our lives had become. I mean, my family’s survival was dependent on having a ritualistic routine – at times our schedules slacked down. (sigh of relief,) however I will admit with a pinch of embarrassment; I would splurge my free time on zoning out in-front of the tele achieving nothing more than a (brain freeze). It is most certainly not something to be proud of. The question is; How do you break the cycle of numbness?
At one-point last year every moment of my life required synchronizing calendars with our kids’ school and sports activities, my husband’s studio sessions, band practices, gigs, business meetings, my philanthropic work which I loved, being a parent and oh – vaguely a person. My husband loves to say, “timing is everything.” Not only because he is a musician (drummer) but because he sincerely believes in opportune moments. In 2018 he played in the worship band at the ‘It’s Time’ conference with Angus Buchan. This event is hailed as the largest prayer gathering in South African history in which they estimated approximately 2 million people attended. This staggering number still blows my mind to this day, I can’t comprehend the enormity of it. But what my mind can try to fathom is the stress placed on the fact that each person needed to keep their own beat going so that the songs could melt into meaningful worship. Each musicians path on stage was different but, in the end, it met into a harmonious melody.
I think the cycle of numbness perpetuates when you have forgotten your own melody!
…Your heart song
‘When the same tune plays repeatedly – painfully and relentlessly in your mind.’ I was stuck.
I was out of tune with my girls, my husband, MYSELF. I was tired. I was lost.
My opportune moment came when I realized that this was not the life that God had created me for. Jesus was calling me to learn the words to the new song that He had written for me.
I had become tone deaf to the sounds of my children’s laughter. Life became too serious, bland but most of all tasteless. It was if I had a dark cloud hanging over me and I struggled to breath. I was fighting to shut out the noise the endless verbiage, the useless chatter and nonsensical squabbling. All I wanted to do for a very long time was to just hide in Him unplug from the ‘world’ and hear a new song. I believe that this is the year that God will give each one of us a new song in our hearts. One that will overshadow the previous. That it will burn away past hurts, disappointments and insecurities.
What is the new song that God is busy carving in your heart this year? Change does not come without some sort of sacrifice. The Lord might be asking you to lay a few things down so that you will have empty hands to pick up that which He gifted you with in your next season. Our paths are all different, our sunsets won’t fade out at the same time or rise together with the next persons but each one of us are on a voyage to find our voices.
Like standing on the grand stage of life – singing our hearts out in hopes to find a melody that suites our own soul and break the cycle of numbness once and for all!
Photo by Lee Pigott on Unsplash